Can Women and Men Stay As Friends?

So I suppose this question is thrown around a LOT but nobody really has the answer.  I vote “no, men and women cannot be friends.”

My personal view is that men won’t really hang out with women unless they are interested and see a little bit of potential in having a romantic relationship with that person.  However, a man will not have a problem hanging out with a woman in a group setting if that group is actually fun to hang out with, without having that romantic interest (or maybe someone else in that group is romantically interesting).

So if the man is hanging out with a woman as “best friends” when the woman is single but kind of keeps a distance once the woman goes into a romantic relationship with a different man, then it is most likely that the man was interested in the woman in a romantic way, not a simple friendship.  Or the man probably thought he had a possibility of sleeping with the girl if he is nice to her.

Women on the other hand, have no problem being friends with a man without the romantic interest.  If the guy is absolutely gorgeous, then it might be a different story.  But most of the time, they can be friends with the guy just for the friendship.

So if a woman thinks that a guy is totally a good friend and nothing more, is she delusional?  Probably.  So single women should take a look around at their male friends and see who shows more interest in her than others and see if she would be willing to date that man.  One of the ways to tell whether the guy is interested is by seeing if that male friend feels comfortable spending time with that person alone.

I don’t believe that women and men can stay friends.  I used to think so, but not after my relationship with my ex.  I had a really good relationship with him and we were very serious.  He was a great man, and I truly wish him the best.  Before I started dating him, I had more male friends than female friends.  I thought that was just because I got along better with men than women.  Once I started dating my ex exclusively, most of my male friends left me.  The only ones who stuck around are still around (married with children now and their wives and children are all very lovely to me).  That’s when I knew, these guys just wanted to stick around for a possibility of sleeping with me dating me.

So ladies, when you are unsure about your straight guy friend’s intentions on your friendship, you should start looking for clues.  He just might be waiting for the right moment to ask you out on a date.

Passion v. Stability

Yesterday, I visited a girl friend in the countryside.  It was a great escape, and we both thought that the activities that we did were great dates, except we were not on a romantic date.  And she brought up the subject of wishing to be with someone whom she can be passionately in love with.  And I sided with the fact that not having passion is probably not a bad thing in a marriage.

Of course, being in passionate love is probably the best thing when you are getting married.  But, I associate passion with fire.  And I feel like passion will eventually die and when it dies, it can die with massive destruction.  Like the California Wild Fires and the Great Fire of 1835 in New York City.  So with the high probability that the passion can die and when it dies, it could be very ugly, I think marrying with so much passion can be a bit dangerous.  There is a a high risk associated with strong-passion marriages.

Conversely, if you feel comfortable and secure with your significant other, but lack the passion, I feel like you will have a more stable relationship and the marriage will last longer (hopefully forever).  There is less a chance that passion will die, since the passion didn’t really exist to begin with.  I think marriage is more based on love, respect, and security more than passion for one another.

What do you think?

Suhn (선)

I discussed in my previous entry regarding the “suhn” culture of Korea, so if you are unfamiliar with “suhn,” please refer to that entry.

So my good girlfriend (who is also of Korean ethnicity) and I were discussing our future in the romantic relationship world on the phone last night.  We concluded that “suhn” is probably the easiest and the best way to meet someone for marriage.  

By our age, we have already figured out what works for us and what doesn’t work for us.  So instead of meeting random people when we are out and about with our friends, give out our numbers, go on dates, spend our time (sometimes money) and then find out that they are not compatible with us, it is much easier to just know who they are first and then meet up.  If there is chemistry, then great, onto more dates with this person until we set a wedding date.  If there is no chemistry, then meet the next person in line.

Thank goodness for the “suhn” culture.  Now it’s just a matter of getting “suhn” inquiries.

I’m ready.  :)

A-D Categories

So I’m here on a business trip working with people from the country and overseas.  And of course everybody who came on this trip is married except moi.  So I was telling couple of people that I’m not dating and not married.  And this one guy from Korea tells me that in Korea, there is this thing called A-D Categories.

The theory goes a little bit like this:

  • A guy who is a grade A (great family, great job, great school, etc.) would marry a grade B girl (above average family, above average job, and above average school, etc.);
  • A guy who is a grade B (above average family, above average job, and above average school, etc.) would marry a grade C girl (okay family, okay job, okay school, etc.);
  • A guy who is a grade C (okay family, okay job, okay school, etc.) would marry a grade D girl (below average family, below average job, below average school, etc.)

What’s left are the grade A (great family, great job, and great school, etc.) girls and the grade D (below average family, below average job, below average school, etc.) guys.  But since grade A girls would most likely not date grade D guys, they are left unmarried.

So lesson for girls out there: don’t be an overachiever if you want to be married at some point in your life.

Lesson for men out there: be an overachiever if you want a good wife.

MARRIAGE?!?!?!?!!!

So in the recent month, I’ve been bombarded with work and I’ve been working at a minimum 10 hours up to 18 hours a day.  Yes, some days I worked on 3 hours of sleep.  Needless to say, I neglected my blog.  With so many activities going on with my job, I began to think that maybe not having a special someone in my life isn’t so bad afterall.  I mean, I don’t even have time for myself, how will I have time for anybody else??  No way will I be able to call him up or even text him to see how he is doing every once in a while, b/c I am too consumed with my job.

Just when I was thinking this, I had some time, so I met up with an older friend of mine.  We grabbed lunch together on Sunday.  I told her my situation and that I am glad that I am not dating.  She had a very concerned look on her face and she told me not to be that way.  She is 40-something, never been married, and still single.  She was telling me that she is a living example of why I shouldn’t think like that and that I need to start looking for set-ups and dates.  Advertise to my community that I’m looking for a date.  She didn’t want me to turn out like her.

Just when I started contemplating this idea, the following day, I had a business meeting with two ladies.  They are probably about my mother’s age and they are Koreans.  One of them asked me if I would like to be set-up on a “suhn.”

“Suhn” is Korean for matchmaking intended for marriage, and those individuals who attend a “suhn” are usually there because they want to be married soon.  These meetings are set up by matchmakers who are professionals (usually very well connected to wealthy families) or who know the individuals’ families quite well; they introduce the individuals to each other’s families and explain the individual’s background including the type of family s/he comes from, occupation, education, dating history, religion, and income.  It is widely used as a method of meeting a spouse in the Korean community because it is considered that it is an easy way to weed out the undesirables and a quick way to meet people they are most likely to connect with.

So I asked the lady who this man is.  She told me he is a doctor, graduated from Cornell Medical School and he is a specialist.  He is a devout Christian and his family is pretty well-to-do as well.  She said maybe him and I can exchange emails and if we like each other, we can meet up.  I didn’t like that idea, ‘why would I waste my time talking to someone I’ve never met through some emails when I can meet the person face-to-face for five minutes and figure out whether I like him?’

Either way, the conversation was flowing and then her sister (who is her business partner and present at the meeting) started saying that she wants to set me up with her nephew instead.  ????  I don’t even know what this guylooks like but even though he is 2 years younger than me, she didn’t care (usually older women are unpopular).  She was very strong willed about how she wants me to meet her nephew, date him, and marry him.  She started pimping him onto me, explaining how many condos he owns in Manhattan, the cars he has, and most of all, all the designer jewelry and fashion items they will buy me once I marry him.  (I’m not gonna lie, I thought they were quite attractive.)  Oh! and apparently he is nothing like a Quasimoto.  None of this matters since neither of us even know what we look like or have any idea of each other’s personality.

But, it is funny how I am getting these messages about marriage all at the same time.  Am I really at the age to get set up on “suhn”s?  I really thought that I would start going on “suhn”s if I’m still single by the time I’m 35, but I didn’t realize I would be introduced on a “suhn” at my age of 28.  I was planning on just working, making money, reaching my goal towards owning a condo in Manhattan, and perhaps meeting someone casually for some dates.

Am I ready for a marriage?????

PDA (aka Public Display of Affection)

Is it just me or is it just really disturbing to see PDA???  Couples holding hands while walking down the street are cute.  Couples attending religious services and/or doing volunteer work together are cute.  Couples attending events (e.g. birthday parties, weddings, etc.) together are cute.

Conversely, the couples who write barf-worthy comments on each other’s Facebook walls are simply disturbing, not cute.  The people involved in the “cute” comments probably think of themselves as adorable and that the posts just melt their hearts.  However, those third parties who must witness these actions are looking for a place to puke into, while these annoying couples do their “cute” things.

Facebook comments are not the only things that make me squeal.  Those people who make out in public places are also equally tacky.  GET A ROOM.  If you can’t do that at home because you live with your parents or any other reason (you are sleeping with your roommate’s bf/gf or their ex), then go to a hotel and do it in your own privacy on your own time!!!!!!!!!  What the F man!  Why do you think it’s acceptable for me to watch you slurp your other half’s neck?  Sorry, that’s just tacky.

Matching clothing is a whole another issue.  Let me clarify.  I don’t hate on all couples who sport matching outfits.  It’s just certain outfits that make me want to cover my eyes to stop myself from throwing up all over the floor.  The following is the Do’s and Don’ts of matching outfits:

  • Same design & same color plaid shirts = DON’T.
  • Same design & same color striped shirts = DON’T.
  • Same colored shirts = DO
  • Matching woman’s dress color to the man’s tie color = DO
  • Matching woman’s dress color to the man’s shirt color = DO
  • Matching scarf in different colors = DO
  • Matching earmuffs = this gets tricky, but unless it’s one of those earmuffs with animals on them, then it’s a DO
  • Matching denim washes = DO

Also, when you take a photo with your significant other, please don’t make that “cute” face.  If you’re taking silly pictures, then it’s fine.  But you (especially girls) look stuperbly (I made up this word, like it?) ridiculous when you try to look cute on your pictures, especially if you are 30 and up.